Sorry I'm Late, I Was Arguing Politics Online With Strangers

Sorry I'm Late, I Was Arguing Politics Online With Strangers

Libertarian Country |

The fancy dinner party with the Smiths can wait; 38-year-old commies living in their parent's basement need to be schooled by my infinite libertarian wisdom.

Never mind that the Smiths are our ticket to the city's premier country club I've wanted to join for years. There are more critical things in this world, like educating lefties that free-market capitalism is far superior to the central planning of socialism.

I know the country club has an Olympic-sized swimming pool and one of the most sought-after golf courses in the nation, but didn't you see what that statist bootlicker said about gun confiscation?

How will we enjoy hot hors d'oeuvres and cocktails if the whole damn country loses its right to keep and bear arms? Don't you know what will happen to all the resorts and country clubs when the communists take over? They'll be demolished and turned into gulags; that's what will happen.

And how do you think the elitists, globalists and communists will seize all the private property? First, they'll take our guns away and crush all our liberties with an iron fist. We will be powerless to stop them. Don't believe me? Ask China. They'll tell you.

If I let this son of a bitch keep thinking that gun liberty isn't essential, they will vote our rights away. They will comprise the court of public opinion. Freedom fighters and libertarians will be powerless against the hordes of statist zombies begging the government to keep them "safe." We must change their minds!

The government can't keep you safe; it can only create the illusion of safety by controlling the information we consume. And there will be no independent media left when the Tankies take over.

Please stop telling me about David's butter-seared medium rare filet mignon and Linda's perfectly crafted charcuterie spread. They're ostentatious garbage compared to the beauty of changing one online idiot's mind. Minimum wage laws are tyranny and only hurt the people they're trying to help, and this bastard needs to know that!

Oh yeah, pretend you're leaving without me; that'll help. Why don't you just give me five more minutes? I've almost convinced this guy that price gouging during a natural disaster is the most efficient way to preserve goods and bring scarce resources to a devastated area. Milton Friedman said price-gougers should've gotten medals!

Sure, start the car and turn the headlights on. Like you're really going to that dinner party without me. Your charade is about as believable as Will Smith slapping Chris Rock at the Oscars. The people online need to know that we're being lied to by the government-controlled media. All the world's a stage.

Shit. She really left without me. I better go upstairs and change into my 'sorry I'm late, I was arguing politics online with strangers' t-shirt. I'll worry about how I'm getting to the party as soon as I finish schooling these hardliners that the U.S. drug war is a colossal waste of taxpayer money. People should be free to consume whatever they wish to, so long as they don't infringe upon the natural rights of others.


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