December 27, 2017
Christmas is upon us. We hear Bing Crosby, blessing us with holiday sounds, while we spend time with family and friends gathered around the tree. Little lights are twinkling and snow flurries flutter by. Any occasion is time for egg nog and everything is decorated ever so perfectly. This might just be the most magical time of the year. Young love blossoms on cold winter nights and the smell of home baked cookies fill the air. Children collect at the malls to visit jolly old Saint Nick with their list of their most desired wishes.
But is Santa really filled with so much jubilee and is he really the wonderful, selfless, and generous man we all have been told he is? Let's check out Santa's story.
1. Where is Mrs. Claus?
We very rarely see Mrs. Claus. Mr. Claus apparently keeps her out of the public eye for a myriad of reasons, but it is unknown as to why. We never see her likeness on Christmas Cards. It's even difficult to find a Mrs. to go with the Mr. statues we see during the holiday season. Occasionally, Mother Christmas is paraded around, mostly to ease children during those times we hand them over to a stranger to get our annual portrait at the local mall. This is very similar to Kim Jong-un's mystery wife, Ri Sol-ju, who we only see at very special events. We do not know Ri's actual age and the number of children she has, which is rumored to be 3 which is unofficial. There have been NO reports of Santa's children, despite him being a few centuries old. What are the Claus' hiding?
2. Where did all these Elves come from?
It is unknown exactly where Elves come from. They have a long historic standing of being of German or English decent, however, there is very limited proof of them actually existing. When we do see Santa, he occasionally has a few in tow, which causes us to believe they are real. According to studies, Elves live extremely long lives and are very dedicated workers.
They are also known to cause sickness among those they meet, which seems to be accurate with the large amount of people who acquire the flu every year. It seems Santa has a monopoly on Elves, as if he has been breeding them. Kim also has a large amount of people who work for him in the Worker's Party of North Korea.
North Korea's population has risen drastically in the last few years he's been in office. Is this a coincidence? Or has he been breeding a new army to one day take over the world? This is obviously the most logical conclusion.
3. Are Elves REALLY happy?
The very few elves we do see seem to be over exited about Christmas. They only speak in limericks and rhymes. They also continuously sing Santa's praise. We think this is due to fear of punishment or banishment. Kim Jong Un also has a select few that travel with him. Their admiration seems routine, rehearsed, and not genuine. Kim's regime has been known to be excellent fear mongers and nobody is safe from his wrath.
In an effort to squash a coup, Kim recently had his own uncle and half brother killed. In two rare interviews with Elves, we learn more about Santa and his brutal ways.
Christmas Elves occasionally are able to escape from Santa's cold grasp and move to warmer climate. The Keebler Elves along with Snap, Krackle, and Pop, the Founders of Rice Krispies are the most famous of Elves, who fled from the North with desires of chasing their dreams of creating their own delicious treats. Santa, who squashes any new ideas or innovation clashed with these extremest Elves. This is very similar to North Korea's tactics. We have seen, in the last few months, more successful escapes from North Korea, of people with hopes and dreams to have a better life.
The similarities between Kim Jong Un, the dictator leader of North Korea, and Santa Clause, the King of the North Pole, are overwhelming. We must look past the celebrations and little children who worship these people and see the truth for what it really is.
Kim Jong- un is Santa Claus and we must make a stand against these tyrannical beings who have, for many years, tried to trick us into believing they are harmless people who want what's best for the world. With Santa sneaking into the homes of children all over the world every year, is it really that hard to believe that he actually is Kim Jong Un slowly infiltrating the Western world to spread his rule, masked with presents and joy? I think not.
Written by: Karissa Gandee
Published By: Libertarian Country
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